Am I mistaken for pondering this can be a deal-breaker?
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Pricey James,
I’m a 73-old-woman who has been courting a person of the identical age. We get alongside famously aside from one drawback: His earlier girlfriend nonetheless lives in his house, which he left to permit her to proceed dwelling there. For greater than a 12 months, he has been staying at a pal’s second house, however now it’s time for him to return to his personal home. This implies he’ll quickly be dwelling together with his ex, as he refuses to vary the scenario. Why? Her monetary scenario just isn’t good, and he feels responsible. He doesn’t appear to know why I might have an issue with any of this, as he professes to be in love with me. However I don’t suppose I can proceed this relationship so long as he’s dwelling together with his outdated girlfriend. Am I being unreasonable?
Pricey Reader,
Nicely, individuals come to all kinds of bonkers preparations to get by means of this life collectively, don’t they? Two within the basement, one within the attic; three days on this condominium, 4 in that; I’ll take the sofa, you’re taking the mattress, she’ll transfer to Sweden, and the canine can sleep the place he likes. However for the bonkers association to work, all events have to subscribe to kind of the identical model of actuality.
Which isn’t the case right here. You and your boyfriend—and I’m portray a pleasant, probably fully faulty, image of him in my thoughts: a hater of change, a pleaser of individuals, a postponer of choices, slothful, benevolent, a person after my very own coronary heart, actually—have reached the outdated Frostian fork, the place the place the 2 roads diverge.
Why can’t all of us simply get alongside? he needs to know. You, me, my ex-girlfriend, and the mailman who stops in for tea. What’s so difficult about that?
However to you, it’s insanity. His ex-girlfriend? Dwelling with him in his home? Sharing a house with him, a home house that also has bits of their outdated relationship mendacity round in it like used automobile components, a carburetor right here and a windshield wiper there? It’s an insupportable scenario. And I feel it’s important to belief your self right here. Your boyfriend is appearing up. He says he’s in love with you, however he’s not doing an excellent job of listening to you—listening to you, as the youngsters say.
My recommendation: Kick him round a bit, metaphorically talking. He might have developed thick, woolly layers of insulation round his mind to guard him from the painfulness and issue of life. It’s essential to penetrate them, batter or needle your manner by means of them. Assist him perceive how foolish he’s being. He’ll get it, finally, or he received’t. And if he doesn’t, you’ll know what to do.
Dancing from one issue to a different,
James
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